Stacks of Dirty Dishes

also, I have made no progress on losing weight, or getting fit for that matter. I have actually gotten worse. GREAT! No, not great.

I actually have to do something about it. Motherfuckers!!! Fuck you social norms!!! I'm like, so totally angst right now.

Peach bitches!

Who am I???

I dont know, I imagine it would have to be in relation to an origin. Like a wise cat once said, if you dont know where you're headed it doesn't matter which way you go.

I imagine I should seize the opportunity to critizice the superficiality of a system such as this. Another elitist program, designed to keep those who would not normally give a shit about how many comments or friends they have, entertained and numbed. Stuck in a cycle of unimportance. Mixed with a lack of self control, and it's a deadly combination.

Today I am a poet. A true poet of the poetic kind. Artistic in what I say, with much to offer to those who seek the poetry. However, never speak up. Timid within your confines.

So then I speak to you, and I let you know who I am...I am insecure about many things. Mostly because of my lack of self control. My conformity to society, and a system designed to constrict my essence.

So this I say to you, join me in the conformity...so that one day it might be changed.

I know to whom I speak to. Do you know that it is you?

Ok, so I've finally decided to lose the weight through....dum dum dum...DIET AND EXERCISE!!! Go figure...
There's a really funny comedienne who laughs about the ads that women's magazines publish. They always have some section on losing weight...and she doesn't understand how there can be more than one...it's like

Ok, here are sure fire methods for losing the weight...
Step number 1....EAT LESS
Step number 2....EXERCISE MORE...
OK..what's going on...I dont know...I'm so hungry!!!

So I went with my dad yesterday to go buy some groceries. I bout a massive bag of spinach as well as a bit container of salad. Then some ground turkey, fish, berries, dried fruit, kashi cereal, greek pita bread, whole wheat bread, tomato juice, almonds, etc.

My mom broke her ankle on friday night. It was mostly due to the fact that she was overweight. I would call it obese, but noone wants to offend people these days..or say the truth...whatever. Well, I've decided that I do NOT want to let my health deteriorate when I get to 46. She's so young...bu she looks a lot older. I was watching a show with married women about her age who were in some beauty pageant...they looked damn good for being 40-ish. She should try to do the same. I guess it doesn't matter how much you love your family or how intelligent you are when it comes to staying healthy...

So I'm going to eat well, as in NO processed sugar, fried french fries, burgers, taco bell, and any other bad stuff for your healthy. I'm actually going to eat from home, and take things to eat from home. I'm really wasting too much money on food and I eat very unhealthy when I eat out...mostly because it's cheaper.

SO not only that, but I'm also going to excercise 5 days a week. This is going to be somehting that I'm going to maintain throughout my life. It's a habit that I will try not to break. I will do this consistently until at least December. After December, I will evaluate my progress until then.

Food Goals:
1. Eat At My House Whenever Possible
2. Cook as often as Possible
3. Eat a lot of Vegetables and Salads
4. Stay away from Sugars!!!

Exercise Goals:
1. Excercise Cardiovascularly for 30 Minutes
2. Strength Train for 20 Minutes
3. Excercise 5 times a week.

Weight Goals:
Current Weight: 160
Target Weight: 145
Goal: Run one mile in under 10 minutes

Body Goal:
Tone my abdomen to be flat and have visible muscle
Reach a size 6 in Jeans
Big ol' booty!!!

Target Date: August 1st, 2006!

Goal for Every Sunday:

June 11- Weight: 157
June 18- Weight: 155
June 25- Weight: 153
July 2 - Weihgt: 150
July 9 - Weight: 148
July 16- Weight: 147
July 23- Weight: 145
July 30- Weight: 143


I will also update this journal every week on sunday morning.

Well, wish me luck!!! See y'all next week...it's a date!

Experiencing emptiness is also experiencing peace, and the potential of peace is its unfolding as harmony among all people, animals, plants, and things. The precepts formulate this harmony, showing how the absence of killing and stealing is the very condition of mercy and charity.

-Robert Aiken, "Mind Of Clover"

When the absolute is absolute, it is incomplete; within completeness there is also the relative. When the relative is relative, it is not material; even within matter, completeness remains. Deep in the night, there’s the energy that brings on dawn; when the sun is at its peak, it lights up the skies.

-I-ch’ing

Feel free to comment on either of the two...

I really like the second one. I like the logic they use to determine that there is nothing absolute...and when it is, its never fully true. Not even night, because there's always daylight somewhere else, and there's always daylight coming around. It's a pretty good way to live your life, always realizing that the conclusiveness of things is inexistent...maybe the same applies for death. There's no complete solution to anything.


---------

Yesterday I went out w/ jorge...saw team america. I heart him....he's the greatest.....EVER. He's the coolest guy of all times. Everything about him is awesome.

Today I'm going to a party, i dont think i wanna drink...i drank last weekend...thats too much.

Today i had saturday school, ugh! what a bore! Well, not really...i was there w/ ginara, marlene and some senior kid that failed two grades and i had never ever seen before. It was kinda fun actually....but not something i'd wanna do again.

I missed fall follies cuz my aunt from puerto rico came...she's the GREATEST! yep yep.

School is fun, i'm doing kinda bad in english. A lot...w/e.

I'm still scared about college, a lot. I guess that will pass. I've noticed that fear prevents me from doing a lot of things....a lot of the time. W/E....

Also, i got a hundred on my bio practical ((raise the roof)) and jorge got a 93 (he gave me a bunch of answers!) i heart pachungers. We studied a lot the night before...and gave each other wedgies.

yey

halloween was fun. well, the party on saturday was fun...halloween night was alright. next time im going earlier to lincoln road to find parking. yea, much earlier

kk, <3 everyone
Rocy

So yeaaaa, this college thing is fucking TERRIFYING!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!

(also, a brief sidenote-- I'm only updating for Bourgi...my only steadfast reader)

Anyways, back to my total fear. This college thing is causing my blood pressure to rise at conspicuously inapropriate (like when I'm drawing cells for bio...or during english tests). I'm probably gonna end up going to FIU, and I'm pretty excited about that. I know I cant leave now, and I know that better and bigger things are waiting for me out there. I just know it ((goes into delusional daydream depicting inevitable success)) Anyways, I've fallen into a huge dilemma. I dont know whether to apply to other schools "just in case". I dont have the gut feeling to do so...I just wanna go to FIU, but then I get that weird "im a failure" feeling. I just dont know what to do. W/e...

Anyways, concerning Debate. We havent done a single thing. We missed a comp. and we're gonna miss another one. This sucks, big time. I wanna compete...apparently no one else does. W/e. I think I'll do congress this year (its so much easier! plus, theres also all that socializing)

I got all A's this quarter! WOOOOO! Dirt off my shoulder!

Also, I got a boyfriend. It's been like 3 weeks, but it feels like 3 years! even decades! He's the coolest. <3 Pachungers. He treats me very nicely, and with respect. I really like him...a lottabit. Also, he's a boyscout ((cutest thing EVER))

Teri is the coolest friend....EVER! <3 She's my heart...ALWAYS.

Well, I have an english and french test tomorrow.

Wish me luck everyone!
Rocy

((HELP ME JEBUS!!!!!))

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I love Foamy, he is my lord and master.

Well,

I've been relatively happy lately. I havent done much studying...I gotta work on that. Yet, my grades seem to be going up...ALRIGHT! SCORE!

I got a 100 on my math test! IM SOO HAPPYYYYYYY!!! It was awesome. ((dirt off my shoulders)). Anyways....

I like him...he's so cool. ((thats enough for now))

Ok, so I've compiled a "To Do" list....w/ tits' help....here it goes

1) Put on shoes
2) Apply to college
3) Apply deodeorant
4) Look up scholarships
5) Study for Economics midterm
6) Turn off light

So yea...i mean....that seems like a pretty productive list..

KK, love you much
rocy

Well, my parents went to tampa this morning at like 4. Im awake at 5 and trying to study for ACTs.....haha what a JOKE. W/e....

Anyways...I think I like someone. He's a cutie...and he's funny...w/e, im not gonna discuss my TRUE feelings about him here. But...i hope he likes me too.

I stayed up making the yearbook page last night the WHOLE night...and didnt sleep a wink. O well, the whole day at school I was really tired, but didnt really feel it. As soon as i got home I crashed thou...o well.

Retreat is on sunday, I hope everything is planned out well. If not I'm going to murder someone. FUCKERS.

There isn't going to be anyone at my house today...I should throw a party. Maybe I will. All 0 of 0 readers are invited! wo0t.

Francis is getting adorable! I <3 my puppy.


Much Love,

Rocy
(12 days until Halloween Horror Nights)

Hmmm.....Friday.....

I dont remember much, or maybe I just dont want to. A bunch of people came over. We had fun. George came, locked keys inside his car. Waited for parents to come pick him up. Man, I must have looked like crap. I think I stubbed my toe on something. I think there was something about a "make out"????? People are crazy drunk, they have no inhibitions. Well, no....thats generalizing. I would like to quote a former alchie friend "I have no inhibitions when I'm drunk, OH SHIT! I can't believe i just said inbihitions" Yea, I'm a little dehydrated but overall it was a fun night. Wo0t.

KK, bie
<3 rocy

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haha....cute

13 off....

halloween at the grove. maybe horror nights.

cross country was fun...i guess

tired.

hurricane coming.

fun times.

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Your Ultimate One Night Stand... by crispnite
LJ Username
Favorite animal
You invite over...
They bring...
You talk about...
You end up...	having explicit sex
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Wow, thats kinda funny....
shes one of my favorite actresses ((dirty pretty things, amelie))
i've read slaughterhouse V and lovedddd it
and I <3 buddha....
well, its all good until the explicit sex part....that would be strange....
how cool!

The quality of a society lies in sincerity of principle. It is unfair to attach the burden of weak societal values as a whole, on a fleeting trend. Blaming the obsession with appearance for the shallowness of this generation is both unfair and a generalization. Father Rolheiser’s statement that "concern for appearance should never replace a concern for substance" is right in itself. Yet, the assumption that appearance has “replaced” moral and spiritual values is flawed. He presents the reader with a belief that past generations were spiritually strong, and unburdened by the notion of some type of perfection. This assumption is simply untrue. In many plays, humanity is shown to be consistently purposeless and shallow—not necessarily due to reaching physical perfection or any other excuse, but simply because it comes as human nature. We are constantly producing scapegoats which provide an easy alternative to examining our nature. Learning is not based upon removing all distractions; instead, it lies upon the desire of the student to discover. If you do not wish to be spiritual or moral you simply won’t. It is unfair to blame a transitory aspect of this generation, which has also been dominant in a different form during other times, for weakness of character and morality.

And if you want to speak of shallowness, just look to the church for that. The church is notoriously known as splurgers. When has the Vatican ever sold one a part of their TRILLION dollar country to install a water purification system in Haiti or Africa? When has the chrurch truly helped anyone as a conglomeration without making any profit? I rarely see even those who tell us how to act following their own rules. Why do priest continue to preach under the robe if they are raping children? The world is full of hypocrisy, and it all begins with those who originate the restrictions we are expected to live by. Why is it necessary to be a follower of a business? The church is a business, with followers (consumers). Without them, it dies. It does all it can to retain their buyers or "donors". It even goes so far as to promise ETERNAL SALVATION at the exchange of a donation every sabbath. There is only one word to describe that- hypocrisy. Pure and simple. They sell spirituality, and we dumbly buy it. By preaching humility and goodness they only contradict themselves, because I dont see humility and goodness in installing marble floors over wood, or being surrounded by golden objects worth millions. Follow the philosophy, not the system. Be a good person, but dont be blindly led.

if you read, read slowly.

writing, it is so difficult. just like in waiting for godot, everything is in the seriousness of purpose. you could never have depth without searching for it. why search, if you dont know where to look. yet you think you know where to start. the depth is pined for, and you fill space with what you think will satisfy. no longer can you express yourself without elipses, and parentheses. all rules are shot to shit. nothing can apply, because. and the silence is needed. universally sought after silence, which we rush to evaporate. fill it up with music, television, voices. cant find the silence, the one which will find the path. silence is much like your self. always looking for it. sometimes it appears set in concrete, then flees. fading away, slipping through the pores of our skin. thought i had it, apparently not. maybe i did, maybe its not meant to be concrete. possibly finding it means letting it go. finding the silence once again, and never terminating the perplexing cycle. like a wheel. where does the wheel lead? if it is just a wheel, and everything repeats, does that not mean that there is no end? no destination? if so then what does it matter? are matters of the soul more important than matters of life and the physical and the mental? why that dualism? why not just one being, one single being. i am my soul, and my greed, and my passion, and my desire. the same person that kisses my mother, is the one who feels the craving, is the one who embraces the jealousy, is the one who unleashes the rage. why control anything? are we not made human? why sublimate what comes naturally? is it not part of who we are? why do we need to be controlled? why do we need to feel controlled? why are set rules so sought after? rules written in stone. rules written in tablets of stone. the ten commandments. is there not more to life than ten rules? why is not seeking your neighbors wife so important? control. we need to be told to not do things. there would be no other way to justify our actions otherwise. why religion at all? why not let go of our securities? finding the silence means being insecure. means losing yourself. just so you can find what is greater. and let it all slip again. through the pores. into nothing. seemingly farther than it has ever been. so it begins again. after the encounter, you begin again. into the cycle of discovery. but would true achievements require that you reside in the cycle? or would the truth lead to the end?

Yea, today was busy....we had a forensics (drama/debate) officers meeting...we have SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH STUFF TO DO THIS YEAR!!!!!
we're gonna go to blue key (gainesville) AND either harvard or berkley....then we have at least 8 comps...then there's the bake sales, AND all the fund raising (candy sales) then theres the retreat, and tryouts, and freshmen day, and hispanic night, and romeo and juliet, and the library shows OMG! PACKED!

french meeting today too...bleh

we didnt have cross country today...yey...i guess...

I have to study for bio...the test tomorrow is gonna be "challenging"...w/e...and I'm reading the sparknotes for The Great Gatsby now...((joy))

I dyed my hair red/brown/orange/you pick. Its kinda cool...I kinda like it. Like 4 people told me i looked older! I was like....THANKS! even my mom said it. It looks a little orange at the top...w/e...Anyways! Its something different.

I cant wait till my halloween costume gets here! I'm gonna hang it up as a reminder of how I have to loose weight cuz Im a fattie. Im really happy that I'm losing so much weight...Hopefully I have time to exercise tonight. Fun times....

KK, ttyl!
rocy

Well, this "hurricane" has been devastating! It has brought us MASSIVE UNSTOPPABLE AND IRREPARABLE LOSSES... of satelite signal. 0o0o0 the painful memories still bring tears to my eyes. So yea, I think I've seen every episode of the Surreal Life, season 2 at least 4 times...along with I love the 70s 80s and 90s. I have so much studying to do...ech. I have to do bio crap, economics, french, and then read the great gatsby ((which i still havent done)).

About that pesky little AP Physics class...I dropped that shit like it was hot! ((marvels at contemporary culture allusion))

I got a puppy!!!! Im so excited...she's BEAUTIFUL! Her name is Frances ((so creative)) and she's a red chihuahua...shes 9 weeks old! and she has a little red nose!!! ((my heart))

Im so bored...I also lost another 3 pounds.

I bought my halloween costume today! OMFG! THAT SHIT IS RACY! Im gonna be a fairy again this year. HOTNESSMENT! Its actually one of those bedroom fantasy outfits...hehehe....but it was sooooo cute! I couldn't resist!

KK, Take Care Now..Bye Bye Then.
Rocy

((repeat to self: I am not hungry, I am not hungry, I am not hungry))

K, nothing much new...

I joined my school's cross country team...I sprinted ((briskly walked)) the whole way on the first day. I really wanna get trained in time for Track! IM GOING ALL THE WAY TO NATIONALS BIOTCH! Hahaha! Anyways, AP physics gets more impossible by the hour...and soon I will have to start living with Dr. Mederos b/c i need like 24 hour/day assistance!!! I took some really funny french test today...it was rather comical! I dont think any of my answers looked like the right ones...well, at least not the ones on one of the sections.

This past weekend I had a little ghetty over at my house(friday) and gigi, cristy, teri, joana, nicole, and rachel went. It was a BLAST! And then of course we saw Dane Cook!!!!! <3333

Yea, ive lost like....5 pounds or something so I'm pretty happy with that! yey!

Man, you know one thing I hate...guys that treat girls like they're stupid!
Guy: Yea, but like...REALLY...I really miss you!
Me: Really, b/c thats what you told me last time...and you quickly followed that statement with "and I wont go to your house cuz you wont put out"
Guy: But no, I really mean it this time...
Me: AHHHHH SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!

Well, that was somewhat how it went down. W/E

OK, DONT GO SEE "HERO" BY QUENTIN TARANTINO!!!! Unless you speak fucking chinese and shit! Its really artistic, and all that blah blah....but it drags a bit. But, I guess it was nice...if you're into that. Anyways, I went for ramseys birthday. We sat all the way at the front. The subtitles letters were AS BIG AS MY HEAD!!!! I hate subtitles...unless I'm watching Amelie. <3 that movie.

So yea, school is tough...but FUN ((as fun as biting your tounge while eating fire))!

K, Bye Bye for now!
Rocy